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I contradicted myself the other day. There was this other actor asking about love and his place in the world as one worthy of receiving love. A couple of us added our 2 cents worth and instead of barfing up some emotional toxins to scar the poor boy, I simply stated that I wanted someone that I can be myself with, because in the past I've felt like I was faking it all this time: I thought I knew what love was, but I was in love with ideal love, with the image of it from tv, movies, and my own creations in my imagination. I blithered on some more about finding the right person, and it later dawned on me that I really believed the crap that came out of me. I mean, all this time I've been celibate was because I wanted to wait for the right person. I live at home with my parents and have them to come home to, so I'm not as lonely as when I lived alone. I give my parents too much physical attention, but appropriately so I must add. I go soft whenever there's a love scene or even a kissing scene, no matter the sexual orientation or gender. I feel preserved living at home, that if I move out, I'll be soiled with bad choices again. Staying at home gives me an excuse to be celibate and inactive. I was needy before because I had no secure home base. Whatever horniness takes over my favourite "areas", wash away with mind over matter whenever I repeat the mantra, It'll go away. Always works. It's storing up until some fine young lass walks in my path and I can't resist. The other day, I happened to skim the back of some woman's neck by accident and I felt an involuntary quiver. Nevermind where I felt it. Ahem. No, I'm not in denial. It'll go away. Really. I just say this to myself everyday. I'm focussing on the latest Ray Charles CD I bought awhile ago from the movie soundtrack. That, and my present acting project. Yeah, that'll stave me off. Two years, a month and a couple of weeks isn't so long to "go without". I can handle it for another year or so. Anyone who's gone a mere week or month, I must throw my head back in hearty laughter. "Wimps" I call them. I've endured these many days, weeks, months, even years! I'm an endurance celibate! I knew another person in his 30's who went for 8 years without. I'll be one of those people who wears sweatpants in public. Next thing you'll know, I'll have friends pleading with others, thrusting me out before strangers and screaming, "Please, fuck my friend!" No, that won't be humiliating at all. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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