[Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 @ 7:53 p.m.]
[ He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago
Okay, I used to be web savvy with this thing, adding links and photos and such. I’ve become lazy with hashtags and sites that would do that for me. Let’s see if I can remember this.
I saw this link About Liam Neeson.
Shaking my head.
I also remember decades ago, this white woman came up to me and started telling me about her daughter who was raped by a black man. Part of me assumed she just wanted someone to tell this to, but she saw me and could only think of that rapist who happened to be black. It’s as if I sought out an Iranian woman to tell her an Iranian man raped me. What would I get out of that, aside from dumping my emotional baggage off on someone I thought of as my scapegoat so I could feel better. Was she expecting me to take her junk away from her so she’d feel better? All she did was pass it onto me like a virus. She wasn’t sharing to connect. She was sharing to dispose. I was her trash can.
Sometimes people go out of their way to make you responsible for something that isn’t your fault. I feel like I’m a dumping ground way too often. They don’t want to get closer to me or understand me. They just see me as worthless or they want to be the centre of attention and I’m just supposed to bask in their glory. It sounds like I’m rambling, but with a diary, I can just dump my feelings. If I talk to people about my problems, they patronize me with some easy answer without thought, just so they can end it and go about their business. Or they’re being nosy and they’re looking for gossip. How can I trust someone who’s going to misinterpret me and spread gossip?
I’m so guarded. I can’t expect someone to protect me and it’s exhausting to defend myself to people discriminating against me or all sorts of nonsense.
I love hibernating away from the winter weather, but mainly from people who say offensive things. Often times, people don’t know what to say to me if I’m the only black woman in the room, so their discomfort provoked them to say something that’s uncomfortable for both of us and I’m regretting talking to anyone.
I think I sound crazy most of the time. These thought I barf out, they clog my thinking and distract me every waking moment. My alternatives are to isolate myself and starve myself of human contact, or socialize and endure offensive interactions.
The Truth Will Atise! - Friday, Jun. 11, 2021
While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019
He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019
My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019
It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019