It was the time when my dad was driving me to work. My bus on Sunday wouldn't operate until 11am and I had to start at 7:30am, so dad offered to drive me there. Anyway, we're half way there when he starts grumbling. He does most of the venting in the family, but this was about gay marriages and he was on a roll, which nauseated me. I couldn't take it anymore when I said, "Stop talking about it. You're offensive." He takes offense to this, but he's offended that he can't pollute my ears and sensibilities with his offensive remarks about gays. He starts in on me, harassing me about why he can't say what's on his mind, as if he never does. Then, while he's driving, he takes his eyes off the road to yell, "Are you a fag?"

How do you respond to someone so homophobic and so offensive? How could I come out to him when he's responded to me like this? I just sat there and stared at the road, hoping he'd drop the subject, but I think he just wanted to shut me up with that remark.

When I reflect on that ugly moment, I imagine myself yelling back, "Yeah, so? I'm a lesbian and I've fucked several women, dad!", and I'd imagine grabbing him by the collar and shaking him violently, just so he wouldn't attack me. I always imagine coming out to him in a dramatic way. There's no way I could imagine him accepting it. There's no way I could live with him knowing, for I know he'd make my life miserable. I even unsent him a letter that I have tucked away in my wallet and unsent him one here just to vent.