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I'm home from work and I need a release. I need to vent. Not because of work though. I felt like I was distracted with work, that I was too busy trying to absorb the knowledge that was flung at me. I put out of my head how dad called me a fag in the car, just because I hated hearing his homophobia. I hate thinking about what he's capable of. If I had to chose, I'd ditch my gay friends just so dad wouldn't make my life more miserable than it already is. I'd feel like a traitor, but the other alternative is to put up with his hatred. It seems like everyday, since the news has been saturated with gay marriages, that my dad has it under his skin like a splinter. What am I suppose to do about the way he thinks? He won't listen to me. He doesn't want his mind to change. Most people label it the gay agenda because then they excuse themselves from knowing any better. I had this horrible though: what if he asks a simple question and I let loose on him? What if he says, "Are you a fag!" and I rush up to him, shoving him and pushing him, saying, "Yes, dad, I am a lesbian! I've has sex with women and loved every single second of it! What are you gonna do, banish me from your castle?" I had this horrible thought that I'd induce a heart attack in him, that he'd die and I'd feel so bad. I'd be blamed for killing him. My life would be miserable, on top of coming out to him. I always imagine a snowball effect when it comes to coming out. I'm so afraid of mishandling it. I need to know the best way so that things don't get out of hand. I need to unwind. I need my own life. I wish it didn't matter what he said, otherwise I'd have told him long time ago. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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