The best thing about today was taking my mom out to brunch at Mondragons. At least those bastards can't dis me for not even doing that. It's one of those moments when you think about losing a family member that you want to say, "Good riddance" to them, but I know I'd be unravelled if they ever went before me.

I have a phone call from someone who claimed they got my number from the HotJobs page. Once I told them I didn't have a driver's license, then the 10 minute interview was over. I was worried they had something up their sleeve, but because I didn't drive, I was useless.

I should stop being a loser. I should also stop thinking of myself as a loser.

Attending church today will never make me a believer. I didn't connect. There are times when I think I'll convert but I was only phycically there. My Godfather even told me that I should keep on coming to church and I just let him speak eventhough I couldn't be rude and say, "I don't believe". I doubt myself in everything. I check out anyone's butt eventhough I prefer women, I go to church eventhough I don't believe, I contemplate other careers eventhough I hate them all: I make myself miserable. I don't do what I want to because I believe I'm powerless. My life is based on what I believe and what I fear. My dreams stem from my beliefs and my nightmares stem from my fears. I'll never be happy if I let my fears control me and never make my dreams a reality. Maybe I like my dreams to stay like that so I won't be disappointed. Maybe my fears are hidden behind my dreams waiting to burst open and attack me.

I don't want to wait for my life to change otherwise it'll change for the worse.