Dad drove her car over a snowbank and cracked the bumper. She wanted an estimate on the car if she took responsibility, but because she told the guy over the phone this, she can't call back and tell her it was dad who actually did it, so now it'll cost her tons of cash she doesn't have. She was steaming, then after venting to me about it, called my younger brother to vent to him about it. When dad arrived home, she was silently snuggled under her blanket on the loveseat. The air was still with rage, but I didn't stay long.

I was off to my actor's group.

I imagined the brawl ensuing, but I heard nothing of the sort.

I thought they'd cancelled the whole thing, which I thought needed to be put to pasture. During "Guess Who'd Coming To Dinner?" on the Vision Channel on Tuesday, a member called to gather everyone and resume the group. I almost said no: I wanted to watch and tape an episode of "The L Word" at my brother's place, but I figured I could do 2 things in one night: I have no life anyway, and it gets me circulating in the real world instead of hibernating in my room or the computer room.

I'm so glad I did.

I got down there, meeting up with a familiar face and a new member. As more collected, I decided to try out my monologues on the group. I did the first one and got good feedback. I was still shaky with the second longer one, but I had my lines lying on the floor for reference. I didn't expect them to laugh so loudly. I even checked my fly to see if that was what caused the uproarous laughter. It was definitely reassuring to hear their reactions and to get some minor constructive criticism too. As I left to take the bus to my brother's place, I would stop and realize I was beaming with pride over my mini-accomplishment.

I also realized that I need to get in shape.

As I was getting off one bus, I saw my next one at a stoplight, and I knew I had to dash off to the nearest one. Ever notice how out of shape you are when the point you need to run to seems to stretch out further away from you? I thought my whole body would give out and collapse right there. I got on the bus when my brother called me on my cellphone wondering where I was, because the show was about to start in 5 minutes. I had a 25 minue busride ahead of me. I had already missed one episode, so I wasn't too heartbroken over it. I finally get to my stop and dash with a thimbles worth of strength left. I get there, and my brother had set up the VCR and even put a tape in for me! That boy is golden, I tell ya! I also find out that this Saturday will be a marathon of episodes, yes all 4 of them, coming up!

If there is a God, then she's a lesbian!

My brother has the week off from work, so we stayed up together. He was busy reading his health book though, so there were no deep conversations about our childhood or anything. Now and then I'd pipe in about his car being rear-ended the other day. When my mom told us, I felt emotional and called him right away, worried that he was in pain. Even after he said he was fine yet ticked at his car being majorly dented, I still felt upset. There was some crazy show called "Shock Sex" or something like that: I feel uncomfortable enought watching a lesbian show with him, but to see even more of it and then some, turned me off all together. There's nothing arousing about seeing gigantic boobs, bull penis eating contests, masturbation scenes and dildos with family. It would put me off sex forever, even if Beyonce Knowles, Lisa Bonet and Janet Jackson were standing naked in front of me, covered in chocolate and rolled in nuts!

This morning, he nagged me about sending off resumes, and they're always to entry-level places too. Then he nags me about my shirt; he asked me if I'd used the Gap gift card he gave me for xmas as he spies me wearing a buttoned-down shirt that was all wrinkly.

Sigh.

The golden boy is tarnished.

The only advice I took from him was to send my resume online, and I sent one just moments ago. I met this woman months ago who gave me her card so I could send her my resume. She helps people with getting jobs, but doesn't get the job for them.

We shall see what the future holds.