When I chose to be secretive, to hide in the closet, I put myself in a situation of cowardice. Whenever someone say something homophobic and/or completely ignorant, it's taken so much strength to hold back my opinions on how wrong they are. They assume they're safe from insulting gays and lesbians. Like when a Native friend left a room, then this one guy had this tale to tell of some drunken indians. I wonder what people say about black people when I'm not around?

When I witness two actresses doing a scene involving lesbians, it irritates me because they're too self-conscious. They can't be confortable in the roles and they giggle and comment and everyone is unsupportive in joking about the whole thing. I sit silently or make a lame attempt at a chuckle so I don't give myself away. It educated me also in that if I'm doing a role, whether it's with a man or woman, then it's not about me when my character is relating to them, especially if family and friends will see this. I want to do more roles whether they're with a man or woman. I had to come to a point where I asked myself, "What am I afraid of? How far will I go in this scene?" I can't let myself as a person get in the way of the believibility of the scene and what the characters are going through. Sometimes a person's own prejudices get in the way and you see that in their work.

Sometimes I can't handle being a lesbian or whatever I feel comfortable being. I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I don't know if I ever will be.