Anyway, before seeing the show, "The Curse of the Trickster" show had finally let out. I was hoping to see the actor, like he were a major star or something. I'm intrigued with anyone who sits down to write such words and express them for several hours on stage, aside from a stand-up comic that is. He's just good at it. It's like a weird platonic crush or something, and it always freaks me out when I feel this way about a guy. I don't worry about it though. I'm always trying to dissect my feelings when they arise. I know I'm not attracted to him, so no worries there. Anyway, after I'd found my seat, I had to go to the bathroom and I was hoping to catch a glimpse of him in the lobby because he was signing his new books based on his shows but I didn't see him. On my way back, while squeezing my way through the line-up, he was suddenly next to me, trying to squeeze his way past the crowd for the book signing and I said, "Saw your show yesterday. It was good!" He reacted with surprise but I pulled a flatter-and-run. I was grinning after that. After the show ended, the actor announced some other shows, then pointed out "The Trickster", who had actually directed his show, in the audience. I poked my head to catch a glimpse of him, but it was too dark. I'm such a geek!

Our stage manager is a lesbian. My gaydar picked up on it but sometimes I don't trust my instincts like I should. The director mentioned this to me because when she told him, they thought it funny to bug the other actress. Made me worried that she might be negative towards her. Also made me even more worried that she thinks she knows me when all this time I've hidden myself in this closet out of fear. I keep expecting an angry reaction if I do come out, or a declaration of liberal and open-minded thinking and then the issues come forth and I'm to blame for their hostility, blamed for bringing out thoughts she's harboured until now. Must avoid other people's can of worms. At the same time, she is kind of cute. I won't waste too much brain power on whether she likes me and if she's doable and all that crap. If I invest too much mental energy on anyone, I waste my time and end up doing nothing about it anyway, like usual. All I have to do is refer to my old diaries and read what a loser I was. All those crushes went nowhere but my diary.

Anyway, today is the first of the last 3 shows, then it's another show I'm set to do in the fall.

Also: I saw "Jill's War" mainly because I'd known some actors in it. After havinga couple of drinks and sitting in the hot sun, I was dozing off in the front row. I soon awoke fully and realize how rivetting the lead actress was. I'd worked with her in the Cabaret in March, but to see her in something else reaffirmed how truly great she is. She had a stillness about her that I can't seem to master. My arms and energy are all over the place, but she was so grounded that it was enviable! I want to achieve that in my next dramatic project!