After getting out and feeling rebirthed, I finally checked my e-mail and saw a letter from a long-lost friend. She was my first friend I made at elementary school, and when our family moved away, I never got to say good-bye to her. Not a year went by that I didn't think and wonder about her. Well, I reunited with her 11 years ago, twice, but at that time, I was to move to Vancouver to become an actor. Here I am, years later, checking my mail and she found me on one of those Yahoo! Groups. This was the second time that I thought I'd never see her again, and the second time that I connected with her.

In my head, I was already going over how I was to come-out to her: should I hit her with it immediately or string it out? These things are never easy. This is why it's easier being straight: people just assume you are, unless you say otherwise. Being a lesbian out here is more discreet than in Vancouver, but my gay-dar goes up none the less. Who knows where she stands on these things, anyway? If I've:

a)Hit her with it sooner and she hates me,

b)Hit her with it sooner and she likes me,

c)Drag it out and she hates me,

d)Or drag it out and she likes me,

...then I have those 4 options to look forward to. It's like playing the lottery: a one out of four chance. My only 2 choices are to worry about it now or later. Sheesh! I could be screwed anyway! I don't want to worry about this, but I can't put it away. Must face this without fear, or the showing of it. With my best friend, the choice was c, but I'm not sure where she's at now. I'm afraid to go there or else she may bite my head off, telling me that it doesn't matter, then later on she'll say something, like Gay men become gay because they were diddled with as children, and they get a kink out of that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll never erase that from my memory.