I've done my job hunting, and I've had only one interview. Chapters said they'd be calling us for a second interview, but the week is half over, and I've heard diddley-squat from them. Today, I applied at the post-office, at the suggestion of a family friend. It gets painfull when so many people are telling you of job prospects, like I can't get a job on my own. Actually, I can't, because we all need some help when we're struggling, eh? I never would've thought to apply there. I went there today, despite the grey skies and looming clouds about to rain on me. I sat in the office, filled out the form, hoping this doesn't interfere with potential acting gigs. Auditioning has the same theme to it; trying my best and coming up with zilch. It sucks to look for work and get nothing.

All I want is some part time work or even seasonal work, so I can devote myself to what I love. I'm just complaining about how hard it is, and a part of me is frustrated. Actually, a big part of me doesn't want to look anymore, it feels hopeless. I can't even afford busfare, so I sneak money from my dad's change container. It makes me feel like I'm 15 or something.

Afterwards, when I got on the bus to go home, there was a pregnant woman, her husband, and their son who looked about 5 or 6. He seemed intrigued by me, this little South Asian boy, coming up to me casually and looking into my eyes. He had a welcoming pleasant expression, rather than the usual look of bafflement and confusion whenever kids look at me. I always feel like a freak or something, like they see me as a punk rocker with the wildest mohawk, studded leather jacket and piercings galore, meanwhile I'm dressed casual, bordering on funky, and my dredlocs are tucked under my favourite brown hat. When my hair is out, then I attract more attention, but even when it's hidden, I get the attention of this cute little boy, like he's going home later to paint me in his scrapbook or something. His parents were right there, so I felt restricted about what to do to their child without raising suspicion. I hate when adults talk stupid talk to kids, like they can't understand English, so I reached out and pinched his nose, softly of course. He just looked back at me, touching his nose the way I did, and still seemed hypnotised, even when I playfully jabbed at his chin. He was fascinated, but his mom acted like he was bothering me. The world didn't seem so grey after that. He fell asleep beside his mom, who also conked out, and they looked so adorable. I had these sudden images of us playing together, me swinging him around and him giggling. I don't interact with kids much, and I'm not in situations where I get to do so.