Yesterday was a crappy day. One of those days where I wish I was dead, or interested in something else other than being an actor.

I got a call from Starbucks, saying that they were going with another person, so they weren't taking me. I accepted it pretty well, but when I put down the phone, the "loser" sign on my forehead blinked on. I had to channel my frustrations out on something, so I raked the yard. My dad called me, telling me to "stop that nonsense", and after feeling like I was going to cry, he lectures me about my future, repeating my age over and over as he usually does. That's the only time he remembers my age, it's when he's using it against me.

I had to get out for a while, go for a walk or something.

It was a tad chilly and breezy, but I wandered out into a field and sat by a dried up tree, unfocused about my thinking.

I eventually returned home, hibernating in my room and curling up into a ball for the rest of the evening.

Whenever I get into a state like that, I usually think, "Something good has to come my way. This day must end on a good note". The last thing I did was watch TV and make that necklace my brother's associate wanted.

This morning, I ended up flipping through the yellow pages to look for schools: I want my parents to express pride in me for once. I want a demonstration of it, not just knowing, for that means nothing.

I was enrolling in a college in Toronto, for TV Production, and I fantasized about being on one of those headset phones in my penthouse, my brothers coming to visit me and I'm making deals for Ben Affleck and John Travolta and meeting them for lunch, or something crazy like that. I don't want my ambitions to be tolerated. I want them to be accepted and supported for once.

Anyway, I don't feel too much like a loser right now.