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I was thinking about what I want to look for in a soulmate. I'm still not sure, but I'm sure of one thing: I've been looking for a twin, and that has hit a snag, consistently. The opposite of me seems foreign to me, since I can't list what those qualities would be. To find someone like me is to find someone who annoys me, because I'm seeing the things I do from an out-of-body experience p.o.v., and that has a twilight zone-like quality about it. A satisfied person is the hardest to seduce, so what ever I lack, I look for in others to fulfill me; whatever that person lacks, I must fill it up. When I was having sex with guys, I wasn't fulfilled, but with women, I was filled even more, but still not completely. I don't believe in love at first sight, because it's always an infatuation first, then when that fades, I'm left with the rawness of the person, and usually I'm disgusted with them. That may seem harsh, but I see the whole person and get turned off, disillusioned that the eye candy I thought they were isn't visible anymore. I've never realized that before, and it took me awhile to figure that out. If I weren't living in Winnipeg with my folks, I'd be looking for someone, but when I was in Vancouver, I was bleeding, so I didn't feel luscious. It's a crazy thought, but I just might find someone deluded enough to think that I can fulfill their needs, and I just might buy into that idea. I was reading all of this in The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and Joost Elfers, and of the 18 victims, I'm a disappointed dreamer, a novice and a floating gender, so I'm bound to attract someone who'll lead me to think that my dreams are possible, who's street-smart and worldly and also a gender-bender who laughs at masculine/feminine dogma. Who fits that? While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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