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One of my lesbian friends had a birthday earlier this week and tonight was her birthday party. I was invited but I felt odd about going there and risking anything that might erupt since last Friday. Fear told me not to go, plus my dad's birthday dinner was tonight and that gave me reason not to attend the party. I didn't miss it nor feel bad about it. I wonder though, if I was being a bad sport about not going or if I saved myself some more baggage by avoiding it? The party is still going on right now and I'm in my housecoat, wasting time on the computer before I go to bed. I don't know what kind of year I'll have as far as the lesbian gang is concerned. I will have to take it day by day. One of them though, the very first one I met through the internet, wants to hang out sometime for coffee. I sent her a message yesterday, which may have been too late, but I'll contact her again. Her voicemail on her cellphone isn't activated and I text messaged her, but no response. I'm wondering if they're talking about me, wondering if I'm the subject of conversation at someone's birthday party. I hate having paranoid thoughts, but these thoughts protect me from other hazards that come from left field. Just when you tell yourself that everything will be fine, something shitty happens. When I'm being paranoid or too cautious, things are fine, so eitherway, I'm screwed! Well, off to bed to have sexual fantasies of whomever, either him or random pornographic females burned into my memories. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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