[Thursday, Jan. 19, 2006 @ 10:11 p.m.]
[ In Living Color ]

More and more, I'm checking out porn. I found this site that's like a porn blog, where it updates on the newest sites and/or the latest additions to popular sites. I keep downloading them into my folders and most mornings, when I check my email, I go to my folder to look at them. I feel almost gross in looking at it. The colors are so vivid that when I'm on the bus, chatting with my old male bustraveller, I'm distracted and can see their nakedness clearly. He'll be talking about the weather or getting his lazer eye surgery, and I'll be thinking of women spreading their legs to show their shaved glories. My heart pulses out of my chest. How does stuff like this affect someone? I've even shaved. Down there. I was inspired after being aroused.

Sometimes when I think of women, I'm admiring, lusting and even envious all in one moment. I may notice the size of their boobs and salivate, but then I think of the size of mine. What I don't want are those long-ass nails. I wouldn't want those up inside me! That's just asking for a scar infection. All I can say is, ladies, my nails are clipped, my bush is wacked smooth and I'm ready!

The images won't go away and I'm searching for more. It's a good ache. I'm even fantasizing of past women and the best parts of my encounters with them, but the biggest, strongest, ceiling-blowing orgasm I ever had was from a FTM transsexual. Not a bio-male or bio-female, but one in transition.

Hmm....


Well, back to my vivid porn.

One time, after I came out but had sex with a guy, I imagined a naked woman and I came, finally.

What does that tell ya?


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