It stings my nerves and my blood vessels by scaring the bad viruses out with its potency. I feel the buzz all over and I cough less now. I wish I didn't cough at all.

I'm going to a New Year's Eve party at some legion on Wednesday, and I'm unsure of my condition by then.

I want to be more interested in T, but I'm not. Nothing romantic or sexual will overcome me once I see her again. I want to, but only because my choices in the past have only left me broken-hearted or used or both. I figure if I go in the opposite direction, I'll be making a healthier choice. If I give it some time, something will come over me like the flu and I can't help but love her. The last time, when she drove me to the bar that night, I unloaded some inner thoughts and feelings that I don't normally express and I feel I may have scared her off. I don't have a regular flow of lezbo-talk, so I was sexually constipated. Living at home and a self-imposed suppression can do that. I relaxed and became myself, letting her know who I was. Well, just a slice of me anyway. I'm not trying to subconsciously scare her away though. At least I don't think so. I figure that I have nothing to lose, since there's nothing serious going on between us. The most we'll be is friends. I don't see us having sex any time soon either, so that's not an issue. I hope she doesn't get too aggressive with me either, I hate being pressured into sex: not very enjoyable that way, let me tell you. I'll just chill out about it now.

My brother's girlfriend called about the christmas package we sent her. When she asked about mom's perfume, I said, "Well, maybe she should be the one to tell you", and I handed the phone over. My mom use to love colognes and perfumes, but she's allergic to them now, acquiring this allergy over the past few years. She use to say how the first thing that attracts her to a man is his scent, especially if he's wearing cologne, and now not only can she not indulge in that, but my dad absent-mindedly wears strong colognes and lotions. He always has excuses for not listening, yet questions me on why I never listen to people. Sheesh! Dat man be crazee!

With the holidays still in full swing, I don't have to worry about jobhunting, so the stress and nagging has ceased. Once the 5th of January rolls around, the lecturing will commence: This is what I have to look forward to next year.