Everytime I think of history, I think of the time "Roots" was on TV, and how traumatic that movie was on me. Everytime I think of history, I think of how blacks/women/lesbians and all sorts of groups were mistreated, and how I couldn't imagine handling it back then. I have a hard enough time dealing with my self-loathing without thinking about how my self-esteem wouldn't handle a time when I could be lynched/murdered/raped/criminalized/abused/ostracized just for being me. Sometimes I get accused of not being black enough, seen as a good thing by white people and a bad thing by other black people. Some people doubt my lesbianism and think I became "that way" as a cop-out from the stress and heart-ache of heterosexual society and the institution of marriage. I've been mistreated and harassed by men who assumed that I enjoyed the treatment and had my physical strength used against me. To wish for another time in history to live in just seems like too much baggage that weighs upon me. I keep hoping for the future, when none of the issues we still struggle with need to be regurgitated over and over, when it's okay to walk down the street feeling content with who you are without fear of assault. I cynically have no hope that humans will opt for peace on earth when so many have no peace within themselves. I have my own demons to wrestle, and so does every single person alive, therefore there'll never be any peace expressed. I have a hard enough time dealing with the turmoil going on at the present, nevermind what other eras had.