There's a couple of clubs, Gio's and Happenings that are gay bars, but they have a dyke night once or twice a month. Who the hell can I go with? I don't have any lesbian friends out here, and the only person I'd bring is my straight friend Tanis. She might tolerate the idea, but I'd rather bring another lesbian friend, ya know? I doubt she'd bring me along to find a man, but then depending on the man, he'd assume it would be to his benefit.

Even if I were to lock eyes with someone stimulating enough to set me on fire, where would we go? Definitely not my place, where my parents are. We'd make too much noise, plus I still haven't told my dad. I don't ever want to tell him. In fact,he shouldn't know, for things will get ugly for the rest of my life if he found out I was "one of them". My older brother can dump his older girlfriend of several years to live with her daughter who's got 3 kids, yet I can't live under this roof if I "carry on that way". Now there's a Jerry Springer show! If I weren't such a coward, I'd tell him and suffer the consequences. That might push me to move away from here and have my own life, but that would be a bad reason to tell him. The rest of the family would be miserable: they'd be angry at me for telling him, so there'd be no peace for a billion years. He must suspect that I'm up to something, being as I haven't let anyone know I've even got an on-line diary. My parents always ask what I'm doing in the computer room, like I'd be downloading porn or something.