Anyway, my favorite scene was when Grace [Jennifer Aniston-Pitt] had left Bruce [Jim Carrey], and her sister had told him that Grace prays for him every night. So, he goes to his computer, searching for Grace's prayers, and is interrupted by one of hers incoming. He makes himself appear at her bedroom window to see what she's praying about, and he sees her crying, pleading to god to make her stop loving him so much. Bruce is touched and in awe of her love, then.....well, I won't give away too much, but I'll say that while he was commanding things for himself and for the entire world, he neglected his girlfriend who loved him the most, even while he was berating himself for being a luckless bastard.

It got me thinking of the times when I was in love with someone, and when my heart got broken; I wished for the feeling to go away so I wouldn't hurt so much. It's so painful to stop yourself from feeling so strongly about someone. It's a wonder that I've replaced the high of love sickness with pot and the internet.

After the movie, I bought Tanis a drink at a nearby sports bar, and when the bartender asked us what our orders were, I looked him straight in the eye and gestured, "Jamaican Me Crazy!" It had vodka in it, or something like that, but we all thought it was funny. As he walked away, I said, "I almost ordered a Sexy Bartender!", which I didn't think he was, but hey, maybe we could've gotten free drinks if we laid it on any thicker, eh?

The movie wasn't the reason I left my house today. I needed to get away from the house, which I rarely do on my own, so I hopped on a bus, contemplating where I'd go. I remembered a Gay & Lesbian Resource Centre in the Osborne Village, and made my way there, which was where Tanis buzzed me on my cellphone. I found it, discreetly hidden in an old building, on the third floor, and paused at the closed entrance. I wasn't sure if it was opened, but I pushed at it anyway, and it gave way to a friendly yet familiar face that smiled and greated me. It was a cozy old building, cramped and modest. Familiar free newspapers lay near the entrance, but I wanted to get familiar with the interior; I'd been there before, way back in 1990 or so, and imagined it being bigger. I was only there for ten minutes when I had to use the bathroom, and when I asked if they had one, she not only pointed one out, but told me that she was closing in five minutes. The woman gave me a couple of leaflets before I was gone. I don't want to leave a paper trail for when/if my dad finds them in my room, or somehow ends up sifting through my purse.

I wandered into a couple of stores in the village, and my last stop, before meeting Tanis for our movie, was "Movie Village", the best indie movie rental place in Winnipeg, at least I think so. Checking out the new releases were a few dykes, 2 of which were intimate, capturing one guy's attention. I noticed him furrowing his brow in distaste, but I think he caught my distaste of his distaste [does that make any sense?]. I felt like a tuning fork, vibrating off of these girl's presence. I was still buzzing off of that energy while watching the movie too.

While riding the bus home, I was reflecting on what my dad said earlier: he said that when he found out his dad died, he burst into tears. After he said this, he walked away from me, hiding his pain. I can't ever remember him crying in my entire life. He holds it back and packs it down, just to deny any vulnerability within. My older brother clenches his fist whenever he'd feel his eyes moisten with sadness: My whole family is like that too, me included. I hate crying, but once the tears flow, I feel the toxins pouring out of me, leaving me cleansed.