About the 52 year old man......
After I'd finished work, I decided to wonder over to the bar next door for a drink. Or two. Anyway, the small tv in the upper corner was playing sports, as most bars with tv's do. Racing is on and the man next to me decides to use this topic for conversationa. I'm no car freak, but we did chat. I immediately thought, why do men get the freedom of hitting on a woman just because she's female and he's male? I mean, unless I say I don't swing that way, he assumes I'm straight. I didn't let on, but I wasn't worried about succumbing to him or anything. It was a good chat. I had my 2 drinks then tried to weasel my way out when he insisted he buy me more drinks. Hell, why not? More chit-chat about religion and monogomay, theatre and a couple of jokes we each told and he wants to take me to a restaurant. I may be of-Jamaican-descent, but I don't eat Jamaican food everyday, nor do I relish it like one would assume. This isn't the way to my heart, but he wanted to treat me to some roti. It wasn't too hard for me to say no. The way the bartender was looking at me, I imagined appearing at the bar another day to assure him I didn't go home with a total stranger, that I ain't no ho! So, he walked me outside of the bar and gave me a hug then we parted ways. Isn't it odd how you sometimes meet a stranger and can have a decent time with them with no baggage or anything? Felt good that nothing came of our encounter, that I didn't need him. Parts of me wished he were a lesbian woman though. I would ponder the idea that if I'd gone to a lesbian watering hole, that maybe my luck would've been the same, or that I'd have gone home with her. Who knows what I really want? I don't know because what I really want hasn't presented itself to me yet, and when it does, I'll wonder what took so long for it to come to me. If I wasn't living under my parent's roof, if I were still in Vancouver, I'd feel more liberated, less repressed. I sometimes feel like I'm gone down in maturity, like I can't possibly be in my 30's. I'm in the twilight zone and I'm really a 17 year old trapped in a 36 year old body. Maybe I can't accept my life as it is when I wished it had accumulated more successes and independence.