It didn't occur to me that I'm going out on St. Valentine's Day. I don't know what'll happen to me, if you know what I mean. I may break my year and five months of celibacy!

I'm betting I'll come home alone. I don't know who I'd hook up with. When my dad suggested that I take my younger brother with me, I thought that was a weird request and that he said that to test my reaction.

If I were out to him, I wouldn't be so paranoid. He just wants to know "What I'm Up To?" My life isn't that exciting enough or rambunctious enough for him to get worried. My life is pretty clean, I'd put my own parents to shame, really.

I'm getting a call in a bit as to when my ride is coming to whisk me away, hence my time spent on this here computer. I just thought I'd jot my thoughts down here.

Even if I had to tell my dad, I don't think he'd like the truth, he wouldn't be able to handle it. Am I saying that to spare myself? Am I only saying this out of cowardice? If I were a brave enough person, regardless of his reaction, I'd tell him. I remember a documentary where this woman told her mother that she was a lesbian. She laughingly said it was a big mistake, because her mom beat her up in every room of the house.

I'm too dependent on my parents to risk coming out.

I wish i weren't a coward. Someday, if/when he finds out, I'll feel relief that it's out, but still feel the sting of his reaction.