Yesterday's last rehearsal was so hot and sweaty that I can still feel it blanketing my flesh. I was so tired I didn't even bath.

I can't believe tonight is our first performance. I'm getting worried, as I always do. There may be reviewers there, and the only other actress was saying and warning us about not reading the "Gennies", the fringe festival paper that puts out show reviews. I hope never to find out how our show is until afterwards. I don't know if it'll be a good or bad one, or if it'll say everything was good except one actor, and I hope it isn't me: I don't want to know any opinions of our show. I'm also dreading that some idiot will come along and tell me, even after I say I don't want to know. I've had that happen before and I just wrinkled my brow at him.

Anyway, I'll prepare myself for tonight and plug through the pieces, relish each moment, magnify the humour wherever possible and bond with the mostly homophobic cast. Well, I'm not sure if it's that or just the fact that I haven't mentioned my sexuality and they assume everyone thinks the same about gays/lesbians. One of the actors was pointing out two plays about women pirates, but said one of them was too "dykie". One other actor keeps alluding to the idea of us making out. The other actress likes when I massage her and as guilty as I feel about roaming my hands over her back, I like it. It's not even that sexual, really, or am I kidding myself?