I wasn't elaborate enough on that whole thing. I just thought of it as an idea, if I ever knew of someone who organised things like that. I knew a woman in Vancouver who set up drag king shows, musical with drag kings, and another women who did similar stuff like that but more raunchy, more sex-flavored.

My mom and I saw, Anger Management today, and it was okay, but it brought up my own issues about how I manage my own anger. I dont' express it very well. In the movie, Jack Nicholson say,There are 2 kinds of angry people: explosive and implosive. The explosive one is the guy who gets angry because his groceries are overpriced, while the implosive one is the cashier. He's the one who's quiet and peaceful, then in 10 years shoots everyone in the store. You're the implosive one. I feel the bomb growing bigger and bigger every morning that I awake, and I need a place to set it off without hurting anyone. It wasn't until we went grocery shopping and ate that I napped and felt better. I use to have a rape diary on paper, but I don't feel any better. I've thought of creating a separate on here at Diaryland, but Speak-Out has covered that already, so I go there now and then. I just want to blow up sometimes, let it all out. I even have violent fantasies of causing terrible harm to some people in my past, but I know I could never do it in reality. The guilt would overwhelm me, and it would cause even more problems in my life.

I need to get a grip on this angry beast.