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For a moment yesterday, I had this idea of running away from home. I was in the bathroom yesterday, finishing up in the tub, when my parents were reacting to a news item in the livingroom. It had something to do with kids being inactive and doing nothing but sit around the house and plop down in front of the computer, and my dad remarks, "Like she does!", and I knew they were referring to me. Dad referenced to a conversation we had the other day when I was talking about the old Wal-Mart building that should be turned into either a SilverCity Cinema or a Virgin Megastore, when Dad redirects the chit-chat towards me focussing too much on buying DVD's and that I should grow up. "What would you do if your mother and I weren't here?" to which I said, "I'd probably end up living with the younger brother". That's been my fear, but I'd find a different plan if my parents were gone. Yesterday my dad is telling my mom this tidbit we had, and I'm feeling nervous. "I have to find my own life somehow", I'm thinking. I need a tolerable job so I can fly out of here, but I keep saying that. I am a burden, and there's no denying it. My parents have their financial problems and I add to that. I don't have a job and I haunt this place when they're gone. I think of the life I led in Vancouver, and I hope that when I venture out again, that I don't end up with any more debts, and that I can get a better hold of my money, friends, lovers and life in general. I sometimes worry that I'll make the same mistakes again, but I don't know what fate holds for me once I move outta here. For the past couple of days, dad would ask me if he was suppose to pick up mom from work, then ask where she worked. I'm getting scared. Is he testing me, or is he really losing his memory? Then he asks who he's suppose to pick up? I'd look at him for a moment, looking at his expression to see if he's yanking my chain, but he looks too bewildered. It's almost maddening, because it's harder to communicate with him when his attention isn't there. He can't follow what anyone is talking about, and he's a cab driver, depended upon to take people from A to B. Sometimes while we're driving, he'll ask, "Where am I going?" Frightening that he's the one driving and he's asking me. Three times he almost collided with cars and 3 times I had to yell for him to look out. He'll die a cabbie's death someday. His mind will crumble and wither, his body will follow and it'll be one of the saddest days for us before he's gone. Everyday is a mystery as to what'll happen next. I can't predict it, I can only assume based on past events and what I hope for. That's all I can do. I still have to get out of here though. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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