I'm not here to talk about my interview with Starbucks that went well, and could possibly hire me for a location near walking distance.

I'm here to talk about my date today, my coffee date at noon that I told no one about. "Just coffee", I told my mom before I left. I double-checked "GayCanada" to see if she might have cancelled by leaving me a message. Most cowards would do that. Hell, I might've done that, but she didn't. I got nervous. I got nervous over meeting someone over the internet over coffee, seeing them in the flesh. The part about the person turning out to be a loser wasn't the huge problem. It's that what if something could evolve, then I might feel brave enough to come out to my dad, no matter what verbal/mental/physical abuse I'd risk, no matter what my parent's friends and family thought of me and their stereotypes, no matter what anyone else thought of me!

That type of liberation is too scary.

My mom wanted to give me some more busfare, but I wanted to catch my bus, and those things are so infrequent on the weekends. On the bus, I sifted through my change and realized that I only had enough to ride back, but not for a measley cup of coffee. Actually, I realized this before I entered the cafe. As soon as I entered, there was a woman who happened to be looking at me. "Is your name, L?", I asked, but she said no. I should've guessed by the lack of resemblence from her photo, and she had a husband and new-born baby with her when my "date" said she had a 14 year old son. I found a nice couch area in the corner, planted myself there and watched each person come in, hoping she was showing up. As soon as she did, I recognised her and she waved at me while she grabbed a coffee. I braced myself for this moment. It's like we were on a second or third date, for we talked about ourselves a bit, about movies, when we came out (she came out only a few months ago!), and despite the short pauses, it went well.

There was no romantic spark, and I was a bit relieved. She didn't look at me like I were 'the one' so I think our feelings were mutual. The best thing was she said that she has a circle of friends that get together, and that there was a gathering coming up that she'd like to invite me to. I felt a door open for me, like I was stepping out of my isolation more. I have my actor's crowd, and I'm hoping for my lesbian crowd. I doubt I'll find my black crowd.

I ambled my way home, entering my house with the smell of supper cooking, and my mom was there, focused on some kitchen duty. She waited for me to enter my room when she asks, "How was your date?"

"It was just coffee".

"But it was mostly a date, right".

"Well...."

And that's pretty much all we said. I mean, I wasn't attracted to her, and I didnt sense the same from her either, but my mom must've known. Maybe she felt left out that I didn't tell her. I feel weird about the very idea of talking about my romantic/sex activities with any family member. I suppose I have some baggage about telling anyone about it, but wish I felt easy and comfortable about telling my mom about anything. Some mothers and daughters are like that: I wish we were like "The Gilmore Girls", but my mom isn't so girly, more womanly.