I'm horny and it won't go away.

I'm susceptible when someone looks at me the right way, when they look at me for a brief moment until I ruin it by saying, "What are you looking at?" I actually said that!

When someone use to be a model and makes solid eye contact, it's penetrating. They won't leave my skin cells.

I get crushes on men and women, and this time, it's a man. One I knew from that actor's studio in Vancouver. I saw him on set when I was doing background work and since then, he won't leave my lust goggles. If you've seen that commercial where that guy has a small car stuck to his head, oblivious that he's got it on his mind 24/7 while everyone else can see it, that's me with this guy in front of me, smiling.
You can't chose who you fall for, especially when you proclaim [anonymously in this diary] that you're a lesbian and have a major lust for a man. It's unnerving, but I won't do anything about it. He's married anyway, with a beautiful little girl.

At one point, someone observed and motioned her fingers at us that we, "Seemed just a little too...." then trailed off. None of us defended ourselves. I wonder what he was thinking? He even looked at me, and I swear on Charles Darwin's grave that I saw a spark.

My skin aches.

He won't leave my brain or other parts of me.

This'll torture me.

I keep imaginging that we'd have this torrid affair and it ends up wrong. I always forsee impending doom, then when I think I've yanked myself out of it, he pops back into my head, smiling and leaning in closer.

The best/worst thing about this is.....I haven't felt like this for anyone in years! This is a painful crush. This little soap opera that plays daily in my head is my only amusement.

I can't watch tv because I'm too distracted these days thinking of him. I don't care if I do turn out straight or if it actually is a crush: this feels good!