I need to get laid. I'm talking about coffee! I'm counting down the months since last I "bumped uglies" with a sweet hot thang. Where, oh where in Winnepeg can I comb for a compatible woman to touch upon my naked self and push the right buttons and make me come everytime?

I use to believe in romance when I was young and naive, but the cards say it's not for me. I'd like to be more positive about love but having a belief has something to do with it. I'll just barracade myself in my room, switch on the battery-operated "massager" and spent some quality time with it. Yeah, that'll satiate my little-man-in-the-boat.