I send out resumes, I resend them to the same places sometimes, I attend job fares, I do follow-up calls, only to be told that they've done all of their hiring already. They didn't tell me this when I asked them if they were taking resumes in the first place. No, they thought they'd take it anyway, then neglect it, assuming I wasn't going to call them about the job. If they wanted me, they'd have called me, but I wasn't going to sit and stare at my phone with the hopes that I could make them phone me and give me the job over the phone. My family keeps thrusting their doubts about my resume being wrong, about how I dress up for the interviews, about my not trying hard enough. They think they're being active in my job search, but they are only aggravating me. The smartest thing I should've done was take my 600 bucks and gone back to Vancouver!

My only solice is going to the actor's group. Yesterday, we did a scene and some improv games. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this. Maybe I'm putting all of my eggs in one basket, but this is my salvation. Sometimes I don't have the energy to make the trek out there, but once I do make it, I feel better for going. I can always guarantee that I'll feel miserable about being unemployed, being 35 and moving back home with my parents, about everything else, but I have this group to go to to excersize my acting muscle and my spirit.

It was the same old reruns on TV tonight. The day was flaccid and I stayed in my room reading a book about monologues. Uneventful. It's almost December and I don't know what I'll do for Christmas presents. I may have to be creative with some blank Christmas cards and see what my brain can barf up. I can't believe it's less than 30 days until I have to hand out my lame presents, again. That's the one thing I hate about Christmas, yet it's not the same as when I was a little kid. You can't get that feeling of anticipation again. I was well over believing in Santa Claus, so that's no issue.

Sometimes I think forget about getting a parttime job. Nobody wants to hire me, obviously, so I might as well focus on my acting career, the one that's less fruitfull. It's like my resume is a bag of used diapers and I enter the interview dressed as a Klansman or something to justify why I'm not being hired. I can't stop being frustrated about this. It wears on my thinking and concentration. I can't go a day without worrying about when my dad will bitch me out over petty concerns or when my mom and even my younger brother will suggest entry-level places to apply at, like I'm waiting for them to tell me, like I don't know any of this stuff being lectured at me. I've been employed before and have given better interviews and shown less enthusiasm too, yet I get advice that's given to someone who's never even babysat or had a paper route before. That doesn't get me any closer to being employed, people! Lots of people go through tough times with employment, even the more qualified ones. I've read websites where web designers and all sorts who've gone to technical institutes or Universities were laid off, while I'm suppose to believe that I'm some uneducated oxygen bandit that's taking up space. I'll be up tonight, hoping that I fall asleep and have another dream like last night. I dreamt that I had a sexy girlfriend, but the most we did was kiss, then she fell of a ledge, happily, and she was gone, while I'm staring off, thinking about how I didn't even get more action.

Sheesh!