I hate this whole man/woman debate sometimes, ya know? I mean, I'd like to think of us as just humans. Humans want this and that, but we've been brainwashed into thinking our gender dictates our wants. I feel like I'm looked upon as naive or clueless sometimes when people try to rattle me for the sake of venting by bringing up topic like, "Why do women act that way?", or "Why are lesbians ugly?" meanwhile I'm suppose to have an answer to that?

If I were a man, how different would my needs be? If I were a man, I'd think my needs were important just because they're mine, but I'm a woman, and my needs are important to me, like staying above the poverty line, not dying from a disease or from some asshole who wants to take something from me for the sake of survival, to be the ideal person I've set out to be since childhood and other goals and dreams. My needs in those cases aren't that different. I've never been a man, but all I can say is this: men are dictated what the ideal man is, and strive to match that. Their Father/Father figure sets the standard for what a 'real man' is, and are on a lifelong quest to obtain that, like the holy grail. When a man who's comfortable with himself doesn't fit that ideal, his identity is threatened, for the sake of manhood. It's almost a religion itself, and it can be merciless sometimes. If not worshipped properly, it can be inflicted on women, children and other men, leaving scars that last a lifetime.

Being a woman, you're reminded that your position in life is lower, whether you like it or not, whether you strive to rise above it or not, and when you aim high, someone, man or woman, will knock you down to "put you in your place".

I get frustrated when it comes to man/woman issues, but they're a part of life. It mentally exhausts me sometimes, wrestling with my own identity as a black lesbian, unsure who's winning. Most of my friends in the past, especially since leaving school, have been white men, and I still haven't a clue what they want. For some reason, I draw this kind of friend, but sometimes they'd warp into lovers that ended on a sour note. I didn't have a hold on my sexuality at the time. I just wanted to feel accepted and to feel like I belonged in society, and to do so, I ditched my true self because I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I was conflicted between giving & witholding sex: Either way, I got screwed. I'd feel a piece of me taken away no matter what I did and I'd feel like a chump anyway. Discovering women on the other hand, I felt connected to my own wants and needs, but some argued with me that I didn't know what I wanted. My thoughts and feelings seemed irrelevent, and I was written off as a flake.