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I hate thinking about my lovelife. Back in January, I met this girl I hadn't seen in about a year and we kissed. She wanted to hook up so she gave me her email address. I'd sent her a message 2 days later: this was last month. Today, I was sifting through my old email letters, so I wrote to her to see if maybe she accidently deleted me and still wanted to hang out. Apparently, she met someone else and her beloved is coming back tomorrow. It never fails. I've got my male booty-call out of town and I can't get laid by anyone! It all sucks. I'm better off focussing on my acting, putting aside love and sex. I'd better not have any hopes of getting laid on my birthday either, or I'll cry a river. I know that if I continue with this perception of love/sex, it'll make me miserable and depressed, but having hope for it will disappoint me. I do want to have a happy life, who doesn't? It's too familiar to be bummed out and to even have a negative attitude, because you can't be anymore disappointed when you're so low. When you're high on happiness, you know you're bound to fall and break your heart and your dreams. I was tossing this around in my head lately, thinking about what philosophy of love I wanted to keep and what needed to be tossed out. Negativity is best thrown out, but I always come around to that when there's no one I want or the one I want is removed from my life by moving away, betraying me or dying. So often, whether in movies or even in real life, people are left to believe that they'll be alone for the rest of their lives then something crosses their paths and they've found love. I'll be the one with cobwebs all over me from waiting so long. Do I want to die alone believing that love is around the corner or do I want to die believing there's no one out there when there was someone under my nose the whole time? Sometimes I even think I could write a story/script about this, to sort it out or come up with my own ending. Must crack down on my lines. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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