[Sunday, Jun. 04, 2006 @ 9:54 p.m.]
[ Unsent Letter ]

I was just thinking of the type of letter I'd love to send on my behalf. I was thinking of a friend of mine who's openly atheist, another who's openly lesbian and I feel like such a coward. I'll never be free unless I get to the point where other people's opinions don't matter except mine.

To All Who Know Me,

I have feelings for women that I wished I had for men, but don't. The way I've lived my life was to please you all, to make you feel like I'm a good person, but it has made me miserable.
I don't believe in god, not since I was younger, so don't pray for me.
I hope that if I die soon, you won't tell people that I've repented and that I've accepted jesus christ as my lord and savior, for that would be a colossal lie. Please don't allude to being single and never finding the right man or have any misconceptions about why I prefer women.
Please don't conjure up any other ideas about why I was violated as a child and as an adult: I didn't deserve it, want it, ask for it or like it in any way possible.
I'm not going to a hell that I don't believe in. If you want to pray for me, go right ahead, for you're doing it for your own upkeep of illusion, not for me. Mourn me how you will, but don't assume I believed in god on my deathbed or in some crackhouse or wherever I am that my life expires.
I didn't die because I excluded animal products from my diet. I've been vegan for over a decade now, so you can stop that nonsense.
I like pussy, I don't pray and I don't eat meat, and I plan on struggling as an actor for the rest of my life.

Whatever discrimitory ideas you have against me and if you think I'm worthless, I want nothing to do with you. If you believe in hating a fellow human being because you don't understand them, then I can't have negative people as a part of my life spouting off their ill-talk. If you hate homosexuals, think women are inferior, don't support the arts or vegetarianism, then I want nothing to do with you. Having negative people in my life hasn't made me understand them any more that I thought I would. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and it has proven to be a waste of time. Instead of trying to gain an understanding, people want to fight and barf their issues all over me to make me responsible for their feelings about above subjects. Those who are accepting of me for who I am will be a part of my life, and those who are intolerant, ignorant, discriminatory, bigotted and racist will be better off being excluded from my life.
You will not be missed from mine and vice versa.
If ever I marry a man, eat steak and praise god, then I would want support and not ridicule for my life-change. If ever I feel I'm a man trapped in a woman's body, then I'd want support for that too. If you have problems with these issues, you can send me a good-bye letter.


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