[Thursday, Jun. 09, 2005 @ 1:49 a.m.]
[ Take Two! ]

I'd written an entry before, but I read it back and it seems stupid. I didn't like what I read and I tried to write another one, but I kept getting that page where you know you can't add an entry.

I assumed our guy from work was fired. He was back the next day and nothing was said about it. I don't know what happened and I don't care anymore. I just remember him telling me something and I couldn't understand him through his thick accent.
I'd bumped into a fellow vegan this week and we chatted a bit. He pointed out that he saw me in a glbt magazine, then looked at me, his look trying to fish out my coming out story. I simply said it was for a play I did last year, which it was. Who knows? He may have been cool with it. I hate that coming out is a daily process, but I hate that I'm making myself miserable about this. There are tons of gays/lesbians/etc who are completely out and have an incling on how to deal with the daily discriminations and are freer to express themselves, but my fear holds me hostage. As long as I don't deal with my present, I can't have a happy enough future with my past chasing after me.

When the phoned rang and I saw the call display, I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone. It was work telling me that a coworker who opens in the morning was still sick and asked if I could come in for her. I said yes because there was enough time. If I was called in immediately, I'd have said no. It's such a hard trekk out there for just a few measely hours anyway.

I keep expecting my cellphone to ring. I called that woman who I exchanged numbers with on Friday. I thought it was her work number, but it was her home answering machine. I only left a message. I dwelled on who else might have heard it, if she lived alone, if she was seeing someone else and they caught wind of my message and will stalk me, if I fell deeply in love with her but one of us got killed, if......only I stop letting my imagination run away with me. I'm like that character in The Seven Year Itch who's imagination goes haywire over every incident. I have to ground myself and say it's only my brain working from lack of coughactivitycough. Like The Fonz who stopped dating and built birdhouses, channelling his energy elsewhere, but eventually snapped and did what he really wanted to do.


While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019

He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019

My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019

It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019

I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014




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