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He called me again. Earlier, I'd sent him a text message, which he has trouble accessing, so he calls me back. We met up at the street corner and chatted a bit. There was lots of eye contact, reading of minds I guess. Anyway, before we parted, he reached out his arm and we hugged. I came away smiling. Later on that day, he calls me up to hang out and go over lines with him. Moments later, he's arriving at my house and whisks me away to his place. I wasn't sure what would happen, if we'd have sex again or I'd ride the bus feeling like a chump. We acted like we were just buddies and I didn't make too much eye contact. Didn't want to. Didn't want to seem too vulnerable to him and look like a fool. He got bored and whisked me away to see a movie nearby called, "Elizabethtown". Not too bad. Kirsten Dunst was so adorable but Orlando Bloom was mediocre at best. Sometimes I hate romantic films, simply because they get my hopes up. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea that I wanted to rope him into anything. We go back to his place and gather his camcorder; he wanted an editor friend to make a demo reel for him the next morning of the stuff we recorded earlier. Driving me home afterwards was quiet. "What's wrong?" he asks. I mention work but I think I was just feeling vulnerable around him and trying to be strong. I have these conversations in my head about what we could be talking about and my feelings would pour forth. I imagine telling him that I don't expect anything from him because I don't want to scare him away. I'm trying to be careful with us, to treat it like a newborn baby and seeing how fragile this is. As we pulled up to my place, he took my hand and squeezed it. He always knows how to reassure me that things are fine. Just when I think I'm going to be hurt or look like an immature love-sick idiot, he does or says something that blankets me. Sigh. I'm not use to this. I'm walking on eggshells. I'm constantly thinking of that Frank and Nancy Sinatra song called, "Something Stupid" where everything is going so right then it gets ruined when someone says I love you. I don't want to ruin things. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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