[Sunday, Apr. 30, 2006 @ 11:52 p.m.]
[ Romantically Disappointed/Disillusioned ]

I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today when he dropped the name of the guy I slept with. I didn't continue talking about him, but my friend dropped his name one more time. I didn't really know what else to say about him.
I felt bitter afterwards. Not just about my dalliance with him, but with anybody and everybody I've bothered with.
The rest of my evening was spent in my room as I watched various movies on the TV unfocused on any one of them.
I felt anxious and came onto the internet for something to do.
I'm so glad I'm not horny right now, despite my four month drought. It's such a relief not to have that ache bother me when I'm so inactive these past few months.
I went out with this guy, which felt like a date, and when I went to sleep, I dreamt I was sensually kissing some woman. Just the kissing got me hot and that frustrated me that the best action I'll have will be in my brain. Conscious sex has been such a disappointment that only in my dreams can I enjoy it more.
That familiar mantra goes through my brain of "I want no one ever" often. I hope I have no regret when I'm old and my ovaries are shrivelled up. I've had older people tell me that I should find someone because they're lonely and can't get their youth back to recapture what they would've had. I can't stop from thinking about this subject! I don't want my diary to be filled with this ugly thinking, but it's what's clotting my thought-tunnel right now.
Love just makes me sad.
If I think some more about that dream-girl, I won't sleep tonight.

While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019

He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019

My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019

It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019

I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014




[newest] [older entries][profile][design] [diaryland]