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The other day, while I was at work, I checked my voicemail on my cellphone and received news that a mutual acquaintence had committed suicide. I was shocked, as the letter states. I'm glad for unsent letter, so I could ramble on about my feelings and thoughts about this. I've never known many people to commit suicide before. One co-worker long time ago died of aids. Another artist died of cancer. Some relatives I've met a few times died of old age or some disease. I thought he was a cool guy too. Like I mentioned in the letter, sometimes a person loses all hope and ends their life. I don't know what exactly it was that made him lose hope, but it's a shame. Sometimes all us humans have is hope we live from: I hope to be a successful actor, and at one time I hoped to find true love. When I felt I never would, I felt there was no reason to live and at one point I didn't care if I died. I don't know what I'd do if I lost hope in being an actor. It would take more than that to make me take my life. As depressed as I've been in the past, I'm still here with just a thimble's worth of hope keeping me going. I don't know what it would take for that to be squashed. I've thought of my parents being gone someday, which all children have to deal with. Whenever a friend talks of their mom/dad/parents being dead, I get a sinking feeling in my heart. How would that change me? It would be something that would tear me apart until I mourned it properly and moved on. I'm sure my parents rather have me more on than take my life just because I couldn't handle their death. My dad just mentioned the word "grave" and the knife of fear slices through me. I'm out here and can't go to his memorial service. I don't think anybody ever knows who will be affected by their death until it happens, and by then, you're dead! You can't know! Even with suicide, the only person who can prevent suicide is that person. No matter what anyone says to discourage them out of it, only the potential suicides can save themselves. It's like an alcoholic: They have to admit it to themselves before they can do anything about it, but until then, they're going downhill and getting worse. Not to make this a depressing entry, but any death always makes one ponder it. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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