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I love my family but they bum me out. I hate being reminded that I'm a loser, chasing after a dream that isn't happening like I want it to. I've done some plays, lived in Vancouver, been paid for most of it, but I don't have a career like my brothers and I'm not married with children. I'm not producing grandkids for my folks and I work at Wendys at my age. My brother even brought up the fact that since I used his computer printer to make copies of both my business and actor's resume, that I should have frisbee'd them out by now. Constantly bringing me down. What is wrong with me? Anyway, don't you love it when you have a symptom that everyone gives useless advice about? This 5-day headache won't go away. People act like I've never heard of pain reliever, advising asprin, advil, tylenol, like these would be new to me. Yes, I've tried them. I've even pinched the fat/muscle between my index and thumb. I've avoided coffee. I've stopped taking Gingko Biloba, thinking that was the cause of it, but there's no relief. I feel like I'm in a drama where near the end, it'll be revealed that I have a tumour, or even that I have this memory I've been denying and once I come to terms with it, it'll go away. Is this headache a sign? Is there a giant worm in my head? What! I want to crack my head open just so the critters can fly out and be set free, along with this pain. I could take an advil, but I'll bet no relief will come to me. Dad is off to work again. Spent the early part on the couch to nap some more, but he's out. I've just watched, "The Machinist" again. I just leave it in the DVD player so I can cast my eyeballs upon it and wonder what the hell Christian Bale did to prevent himself from dying of anorexia? I mean, he's only skin and bones, it's scary. Renee Zellwegger gained weight for Briget Jones, Robert DeNiro gained weight for Raging Bull, and I know there've been other actors who've lost weight for roles in movies, but what he did was death-defyingly amazing. I watched the film more than once just to get over the distraction of how skeletal he is, really! The movie is great though. It took a couple of watchings to fully understand what was going on. I did that with "Fight Club" too, and I love that film. There's hints of Fight Club in this film: insomnia, imaginary friend, self-destruction, denial and loose ends tied up. Ed Norton also lost some weight in that film too, considering he was so buff in "American History X". I've only done mostly theatre, so with film, I've never been given a physical challenge like these actors have. I suppose if I had much of a career, I'd be given opportunities like these. I want this headache to go away. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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