Don't worry kids, I'm still a lesbian. I have my sexual needs than I try to choke out of me so often, like it's such a horrible thing to be horny. I hate it. I was watching The E! True Hollywood Story on Hugh Hefner and how he's living a hedonistic lifestyle. Yeah, that seemed judgemental, but to live your life fulfilling one need? Damn, if I was Hugh Hefner, I could have a place like that with all lesbians and bisexual women. If I wanted a man, well, that would be from no women after a number of years. I'm dealing with the fact that sex is a need within me and not just something I'm fortunate to get when it crosses my path. Sex toys only do so much. I need to gear up on the safe sex tools too. I even imagined myself owning some dildos to use on and to be used on me. I have to take my sex life into my own hands. At my worst, it feels like my needs don't matter, and that's the type of thinking an adult of childhood sexual abuse thinks, but for my chosing? Women. I was riding along with a lesbian couple and I got onto the topic of orgasms. She asked me if it was with a man or woman. Since I confessed my daliance with a man over a year ago, she's dismissed me as bisexual. It still stings, but when someone is dismissive towards you, they're telling you all they need to know about their perspective on you. Actually, I told her the orgasm was from an FTM transsexual. She went quiet after that and didn't elaborate.

Anyway, one of my new year's resolutions was No Men and so far, it's sticking. I think I even said, No Sex, and that's definitely held to this day.

I need some lesbian action A.S.A.F.P!