[Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2005 @ 11:54 p.m.]
[ It's The Middle of the Month. ]

Ever have one of those days?

I don't have an organized room, but my family makes an effort to stand at the threshold, peer into my room and look shameful at its disarray. Yesterday, my mom asks me to sit down with her in the living room to ask me if there's something wrong with me, if I have a problem with keeping my room clean. What am I suppose to say to these questions? A yes or no answer will sound bad and I know it's to shame me and to make me feel bad. I felt so mad that all I could muster was to go into the kitchen and wash the dishes. It was also about not washing the dishes enough; my dad hardly does them so he bitches me out to do them instead. I just focussed all my attention on them as he hurdle more words at me. Earlier, my dad was bugging me about something else, then said he was just joking! I hate when he doesn't apologize for being insensitive then blows it off by saying he was kidding when there was no humour in it! He's not funny! He doesn't get this and he does this to my mom also, then thinks we're the crazy ones for not finding it funny. If my younger brother didn't find it funny either, which I'm sure he wouldn't, then dad would think we were against him. I got so frustrated that I slammed the door on him. Not too aggressively though.
Today, my dad takes me to show me back door and that it's not locked on the outside. I almost thought he was trying to guilt me again, but he admitted that he lost the key. We had a new lock installed and since last saturday, has lost the key to it. I felt so relieved inside that it didn't matter he lost it. I have to work a later shift tomorrow anyway, so he said he's going to drive me, get a key copied then take me to work.

I think my horniness is getting away from me.

Sometime I hear double entandre(?) around me. One co-worker asked about our ice bucket by saying, "Who dented my ice bucket?", to which I said, "When was the last time anyone dented your ice bucket?" and added a rim shot off the doorway to the manager's office. Even earlier, the same co-worker complained to the manager, "Have you made it hot in here?", to which I quipped, "She's actually asking you if you made it hot in here?" After that, I worried if he took it the wrong way. He's cute, but sometimes I scare people. I mean if someone thinks I like them, they get a fearful look in their eyes and avoid me. I've seen that look many a time so I know of which I speak. I later on felt like I had to explain myself, as if I felt guilty or something. Anywhere else and that would've been sexual harrassment. At Wendy's, you can get away with stuff like that, and if someone harrassed me, they could use my comments against me. That paranoid thought hit me, but sometimes the paranoid are right.

I'm hungry. Must eat.


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