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I was in the bathroom yesterday when the idea of how to accept rejection came over me. Often times I've never reacted well, feeling more worthless than most days, but I figure since it's coming my way, I'll react the same way I do after an audition: simply say thank you and move on. It's not worth making a dramatic deal out of it. It turns me into a scary person and I come away more damaged. I look like a psycho and I leave the person feeling no regret for cutting me loose. Shit like that can spread to others who might be interested or even imagine being interested in me, and to hear that I'm crazy won't help them. I didn't expect to go for a man after so long and I didn't expect to have sex with him either, so why would I expect him to want something serious out of me? I must be sending off signals that I don't need anyone, that I only want to be a fuckbuddy, that I'm self-sufficient when it comes to wanting a mate. I hide that well without even trying it seems. To attract the type of person who's looking for a quick fuck and zeroing in on me, I'm a magnet for those types. I guess I just don't know how to find relationships and can't spot them at first. It's such a hot potato to handle without getting burned, but I should handle it better so I don't come away so scarred all the time. I'd be heartbroken when the man fades away from my life in some fashion, but I'll also be relieved about it. I got to think about my sexuality in a different light and it still bugged me. Anyway of thinking about it only irritates me and makes me deal with reality that I hate. Claiming to be asexual or whatever gives me a label to hide behind so I don't have to take any responsibility. I'm still horny though. I went and heard this philosopher talk about how to handle your atheism after being judged about it and all I could think about was getting laid again. How sad am I? While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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