[Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2009 @ 3:22 p.m.]
[ I Hate Them Both. ]

I found an actor's website, so I clicked it an saw her face on it. All I can see is her winking at him, her seeing me and giving me a scrutinizing look and her expression of how he (supposedly) adores her.
I've been fighting the feeling of hating her, but since viewing her image, my stomache is turning over and I'm ill all over.
I hate her.
I hate him, I meant to write, but really, I hate them both.
I'm suppose to gather with other actors tonight, but he might be there, unless he's out of town still.
I'm doing something else anyway, so either way, I won't see that fucker, or his fuckee.
I hope he hasn't changed so she ends up hurt by him, or worse.
I would like to with them happiness and that he's a better person, but neither will be true.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I sent him an email simply saying, "Good bye". I think he thought it was some stupid joke or ridiculous, so he writes back, "What's this suppose to do?". He called me immediately.
He only calls when he thinks it's important enough, otherwise he ignores my texts; he has never emailed me ever! He tried calling me again the next morning but again I refused to answer.
He used his land line number, one he rarely uses, so since it looked familiar, I ignored it in case.
He's never called again.
I can imagine him laughing, both of them, at me for being stupid. I can be sure that neither of them think much of me. I've been in this situation before, and it was even relayed to me, by my then-friend who flirted with the guy I fell hard for, that he was belittling me behind my back and to hell with me, replaced with the word, "fuck". I was dismissed, again.
I hate him.
I could write a banner, post a YouTube video about how much I hate him.
I didn't think I'd feel like this over someone besides the asshole who raped me, but now he's on my hate list. She's on there too. I don't know what kind of year this'll be, carrying this around with me.
I'm feeling aweful, if it weren't for the whole inauguration and my dad's birthday and all.
I'm so disgusted with everything right now.

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