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I've spent way too much time on my computer, getting bum rot as I sit for too many hours. My tail-bone needs a relief! Not much has grasped me in the way of desire. What could get me off my ass? Aside from a paycheque or whatever, my motivation is spiraling. Another birthday coming up and what have I got to show for it? I was surprised when my brother gave me a laptop case. I didn't expect gifts at all. Not that I intentionally set my standards low, but I figured I was just doing dinner with family, minus dad, then that was it. I've had less of a big deal on past birthdays. I have yet to have a huge party for myself. Maybe for my 50th? We'll see. As I get older, I still feel immature. I'm over 40 yet I'm not grown up. I'll always feel 12 years old. I'm less enthusiastic about my birthdays these days. When I turned 40, I decided I wouldn't celebrate it anymore, but I figured going out for dinner was the most I could do. I'm doing dinner with 2 other friends because I was invited and I hadn't seen them in so long. I still think that there should be a birthday tree, like a xmas tree, only it'll have decorations that represent you, your likes, photos of you hanging off the branches of your favourite tree, your favourite color, whatever you think should dangle off of it. I'm too old to have this diary, yet I don't care. Sometimes I hate the idea that I should act a certain way according to the number of years I've lived. I notice that many adults don't always act mature and most kids are a surprise because we underestimate them when they do something mature. Maturity is a state of mind, a concept, something we've defined base on something a long time ago. As we get older, we become more youthful. The younger we are, the more mature we try to be, but the older we get, the harder we hold fast onto youth. When anyone says that age is just a number, in a way they're right, but only the young and ignorant can afford to say that. They haven't had their mid-life crisis yet, or that other age where they re-examine their life (which is the same thing). If I could have a birthday wish every year, it's to get laid. Every year I hope for it, but on the day I wake up, I know I won't get it just by wishing for it. It won't come to me and I haven't the confidence to go out and get it. I need a distraction away from my birthday blues. For my birthday, I'll have to clean up well, in case the potential for getting laid falls in my lap/pussy. While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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