[Thursday, Sept. 22, 2005 @ 9:19 a.m.]
[ Frustration Building. ]

I'm always looking out for something that says I'm normal, that I'm not a flake, that what I'm feeling or have gone through won't kill me or that it wasn't all in my head. I was just checking my email today and a good friend of mine informed me that her lesbian co-worker broke up with her girlfriend and is now dating a man. Everyday someone is dating the opposite sex or the same sex, switching from what they've been doing for so long. I'd like to maybe date, although I hate dating. It's so dull but I don't want to do anything too drastic. There aren't any lesbians I'm interested, and I keep hanging out with this one guy lately. I contemplate the idea of dating him, well, having sex with him, but that will run into problems. You know, worrying about things getting "weird". Guaranteed, they will. I'd bet money on it too.
I was passing through the mall yesterday, just having bought a coffee, when I see two hot young lesbians walk past. They were in my path to work, so I wasn't following them, they were in front of me. I noticed they were holding hands. It's always risky and scary to do that, two women/men holding hands in public. What if you really want to because you love them? I rarely have anyone to hold hands with anyway. I can't even remember what that's like anymore.

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