[Monday, Jul. 17, 2006 @ 12:16 a.m.]
[ "All By Myself" ~ Eric Carmen ]

I'm all by myself in the house and as long as everyone else is away for days, I'm relishing it. This'll be my old age and this would be my dream. My own house, quiet except for some music or the tv blaring in the background. I'd do some gardening outside while inside I'd have fake plants and flowers. I can't imagine what kind of life I could have if I found a "soul" mate.

I went to visit my dad in the hospital: he's not doing very well. He has diabetes and is reacting to the medication he was given. I'm worried less about him than when he was in the house stumbling around just to get up off the couch. The other members are at a wedding having the time of their lives seeing another part of the world. I'm adjusting to a new job and having some time to myself.

Serves me right for flinging my resume at just anyone and getting hired only to be crappy at it.

I wish I were acting 24/7. Then I could complain about not enough days off or never seeing my family or having no love life. To complain about having nobody is a luxury for me right now. I'm glad I'm not on a date or in love with anyone or somebody's fuck buddy. I'd rather be alone than someone's masturbatory object. Just trying to communicate that I want to have my desires met seems like asking too much.

My friend that I told several months ago: I wonder if he knows anything and if he'd tell me? I'll drive myself crazy until the other shoe drops.


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