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I'm just watching TV right now, watching "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon", which I love watching. I was watching "Arsenio Hall" before this, but Jimmy came on a half hour later. I hardly see any commercials for Arsenio, yet it's out there. It wasn't getting as much publicity as Jimmy, the other Jimmy, Seth, David or Conan. Anyway, I just thought I'd come back here because I love typing here sometimes. I write in other places, but I won't tell you where, right? I mean, why would I? This blog will die out someday. Everything I've poured into it will be gone. None of it saved for future reference. None of my feelings will be documented for anything. It's all here so I could vent and feel better. I was chatting with a friend of mine. Actually, a former coworker who expressed a desire to alleviate his anxiety, looking for a cure for it. I thought I'd reach out to him, see what I could do. I figured, the worse thing I could do was tell him what to do with his feelings, to give him some pat answer, something brainless so that he would shut up. That's the worse thing about it. If I've learned anything after being violated from that asshole, it's how to treat people afterwards, their after care, I guess. I don't know how good I am at it, but I would like to be there for my friends or even strangers. Anyway, he went on about his debt, his love life, his career aspirations and his lack of weed. I did have sympathy for him. I also knew that I could never cure his problems, but I did lend an ear and that's all anyone needs. That's all I've ever wanted, just someone's ear so I could feel better. Sometimes the best way to deal with your own problems is to listen to others and not think about yours for awhile. I can't pay off his debts, I can't tell him what kind of woman to get, I can't tell him how to be in the entertainment industry. All I can say to him is that I'm here for him. That's all I've ever wanted. Really, when something is bothering you, don't you want to just unload it? You want to literally get something off of your chest, by talking about it. Just doing that feels better. I know that I've felt so much better by doing that. I don't know how many times I've tried to talk to friends and all they want to do is tell me not to bother them, tell me not to think about it, to pretend it didn't happen, that everyone has the same problems, that mine aren't that special, that I should just get this done, that I shouldn't get this done, and blah blah blah. I didn't ask for their opinions at all. They thought that I sought out their infinite wisdom so they gave me bullshit advice that isn't worthy. They've insulted me with their crap. It's why I usually keep to myself, that I don't talk to people. Most of the times, also, people just want to hear your problems so they can gossip about you and make up their minds about you, just lie and say all sorts of bullshit about you. I hate that. You can't trust people who gossip, no matter what kind of sense of community it's suppose to create. I mean, why would I trust someone with something that they know nothing about? I was telling another friend of mine that people will tell her how to feel, how not to feel, they'll give her all sorts of advice because they think it's demanded of them. Friends mean well, but sometimes friends are stupid when it comes to your problems. They're really pissed off that you're bothering them with yours and that they won't tell you about their own. They're rather deal with something ridiculously easy, but no, it has to be an emotional or mental thing with you. You have to burden them with your life, with what's going on. Really, aren't you just learning more about that person when they tell you what's going on with you? If I listen, if I actually stop and listen to my friends, then I'm learning more and more about them. Even if I can't tell them how to cure it, if I can't fix it I mean, at least I'm there for them. Also, this friend of mine, not the first one who didn't mind venting, but the other one, who broke up with another friend. It's like they're friends now, after a year. I figured that they'll be best friends all over again and I'll be out of the picture, that I won't be as important as before. Well, I shouldn't even make this about me. As long as she's fine. I was just rambling on about nothing. Anyway, I did yard work for someone and earn a few bucks. Just enough for bus tickets and some food. If Only I had that job all summer, from now until September! I would make something, at least. I can't survive off of this? Well, I'll be going to 750 Words to totally confide and just vent, similar to what I just did here. I'll just take this and copy it then paste it to that site. It's totally private. I sound like I'm promoting this site, but I really don't have to. It's not hurting at all, but I just love it so much! While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019 He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019 My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019 It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019 I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014
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