I haven’t been interested in women in a long time. I’ve been salivating over so much male eye candy. I’ve labelled myself as bisexual, but I think I’m straight. For some reason, I’ve found this harder to accept than my lesbianism or anything else. There are women I find attractive, I keep telling myself.
I’ve lost interested in finding love or dating altogether. I haven’t dated in YEARS! I’m just too put off of it. I used to tell myself that for now I’ll stay single and that maybe love is just around the corner. I’ve been saying this everyday for several years now. I might just be impatient or horny or whatever, but I just don’t see the point of anything.
I’m underemployed right now and I’ve used the last of my money for bus fare. I can’t afford to bus anywhere if I have an audition. The food in the fridge is down to condiments and baking soda. I’ve utilized my creative skills on the last chunk of tofu. Now I have only a handful of broccoli florets to eat and maybe a cupful of brown rice.
I’ve also realized that when I have no money, my state of mind is greatly affected. If I had any money at all, if my bills and debts were paid off, the only thing I’d focus on were the lack of acting work or whatever. As it is, being broke makes me evaluate my worth. I hate this. I don’t even care that I haven’t had sex anymore or if I ever get any. I don’t want it anymore. Everything seems pointless.
While Soaking in Lavendar... - Saturday, Apr. 06, 2019
He Reminded Me of An Incident Years Ago - Monday, Feb. 04, 2019
My Rose-Coloured Glasses are Smashed & I Don’t Want Them Anymore - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019
It’s Been Awhile - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019
I Never Needed You. - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2014