I received a letter from a friend I confided in, and she basically expressed shame and disappointment in me. The worst part was saying how I had to be with a woman to hang with her group! I felt punched in the chest with that sentence! I wanted to seriously cry for days over this. I did alright so far, not crumbling over this. I felt pissed off at the betrayal, at the lack of understanding, at the labelling of me and the quick answer that had nothing to do with being supportive. I just wanted to just chuck the whole lesbian community for failing to be their for me. I had visions of deleting my whole diary too, this very one. I was thinking of how to do it, but then I reconsidered, obviously. It's like my confessions are toxic and only splash back at me in the worst way.

I'll just keep my crap to myself next time!

I was hanging with a friend of mine, whom I hadn't seen in such a long time. She was telling about her fellow co-worker who's a lesbian that's seeing a man. My friend labelled her a bisexual, eventhough the girl still checks out other women. Anyway, I felt hesitant on telling her, basically about telling anyone else. I'm thinking of ending the fling with the man, when he comes back in 3 months! I don't know if he expects me to just wait around for him while he's finding his own itch to scratch. He probably thinks I'm stupid or something. This whole thing just wares down my worthiness. Man, am I full of self-hate or what? The thing about the sex with him is, it's the same as before I discovered women. I had no epiphany, no revelation or anything miraculous. I went backwards is what happened. Even the other lesbian doing a man; apparently, he's 50 years old! My guy is only 40, and he's no Brad Pitt or even George Clooney, but.....I don't know anything. Maybe I do know and I can't accept it. I hate the idea of being labelled a bisexual or even having someone I thought would understand me to call me this. The thing I hate is the ignorance people have about bisexuality that has me fearful of being one or being labelled one. Just checking out the forum area on a different community website was offensive. Unless you are one, you don't have a fucking idea what the hell you're talking about. Sheesh! I really need to vent, but this isn't enough. Now I can't sleep, obviously. It's after 3 am and I have to work tomorrow. I've stayed awake longer and gotten to work all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.